this makes me IRATE. Weve been a few times on holiday and love it the shopping, the food we dont even bother with the gambling. Sadly, that would be a culture that supports controlling behavior. Whenever we had a fight he would kowtow me with how everyone agreed with him and had various complaints about me that theyd apparently shared with him but never brought to me. Why wont he go on the trip with you? I personally hate Vegas, but I would never question the idea of sending a business trip there because its typically the cheapest place you can gather people from offices all over the continent. I wonder if OPs husband has watched too much CSI? I say this because I have a hard time believing that someone who had actually been to Vegas would hold these opinions about it honestly its not my favorite place because I find it too crazy and overstimulating, but I have never felt I was in any kind of danger. There was no worry about that, my dad trusted her and knew she just needed a little break from being Mom and needed some time being Jane (not her real name) to recharge. When she would call back, he would accuse her of having left the office to sleep with someone else. Food! I love my wife and we bought land and a home. Sorry about the side note. Does he take this incredibly low view of your character whenever youre apart from him, or is that just a terrible assumption he makes about you when you travel to Vegas? He does that three to four times a year. Is this a relationship problem that could be remedied with counseling? Hed get support from his friends and family. As Captain Awkward would put it: you have a husband problem, not a job problem. If you on a long car ride or your baby simply just doesn't like a car seat you obviously aren't going to stop every 5 or 10 min to take baby out and soothe him so you do it in the car as long as someone else is driving. Sometimes they go on a similar trip for birthdays etc. rarely cede ground. He definitely is the one that needs the work, but ideally I would think they should have both couples sessions and individual sessions for him. But they definitely need marriage counseling. A reader writes: My company sent managers to Las Vegas last February for a corporate business trip for three days. I really dont recommend this course of action. Or that he heard more agreement than was really being given by his friends? It often goes along with a dose of jealousy, as most often, this is about a nice vacation Im going to take or some fun activity. I think this is a little parochial, in fact. Which is actually one of the reasons why I think this is not just a control issue. Then I realized that he was not being irrational he was worried, and it was not a burden for me just to check in once in awhile, especially if I am on unfamiliar dark roads. My almost 60 year old mother goes to a medical conference in Las Vegas every year. As Allison said, people travel for work all the time. Except he took a poll of his mom. I went to Vegas for work once. I dont think its all that misogynistic cheating isnt the only thing hes worried about. Fortunately, he wouldnt even ask because, (1) jeez, who needs survey results to help you navigate your marriage? $60/night + $30/night resort fee, and $30 worth of groceries for the week kept me out of the pricey restaurants. M.M. Grownups dont treat other grownups like this unless they are fundamentally abusive. Thats worrying about what other people will do TO me. Its been 12 years for me. I dont think that would help the situation, however. Im not even sure how I would react to that. The Rio does have huge rooms! I do think some commenters above have some good thoughts on why this might require individual counseling (in addition to or instead of couples counseling), but it sounds like youre pursuing both, which is great. Id say the chances are > 50% that this guy never asked anyone anything. The timelines even fit perfectly. You can make decisions for yourself! Being worried about my safety seemed a bit off since I was being chauffered around with a group of his female relatives. So I understand, at some level, where the husband is coming from when he thinks about these horrible things happening to his spouse. Just to give you an idea, my husband, my 10 week old, and I went to New Jersey this past weekend to see some of my husband's family. What do you think?. Other than me being bored out of my skull, nothing happened! The more I advance in my company, an the more trips I take, the harder it gets. Ioverheard mymother-in-law say, Did she really have nowhere else togo. Were in counseling together though, which is one of the reasons hes gotten better. Sorry Sketch, that wasnt aimed specifically at you. I think. They might feel left out or unimportant. Same here. Your argument is based on extremes. Yes. Some things are objectively controlling behaviours though. We are individual people, and of course we take each other into account, but ultimately neither of us is the others possession or pet. Just my two cents. You cant leave the house, there are kidnappers everywhere! I wonder if he needs help with general anxiety rather than marriage counselling. Ment would not. The non-work things generally arent my cup of tea and if I want shows/museums/food Ill go to NY, London, Paris, Istanbul. I called home from a pay phone on the street around 10pm UK time and she freaked out because I was outside, at night, with nobody around who knew me! The next obvious thing is, we all get to be as irrational as we want. Ack. I played the slots for all of 5 minutes and that was it. I might include a warning when I announce the event though thats like, even though this event is in Las Vegas, XCorp still expects its employees to hold themselves to our high standard of professionalism or whatever. Good points. It was BAD. You cant expect someone with a broken leg to ski down a mountain; you cant expect someone in an irrational state of fear to behave in a reasonable manner *in the moment*. Because thats the only possible response to that stunt. You travel with the rest of the managers in your company, and I would assume many of them have spouses (and presumably most are able to handle behaving like a responsible adult). Theres concern, and then theres overreacting. But if theyre just attending as a participant, they wont be working 20 hours a day. Because setting some reasonable limits is part of that. Business trips are a normal fact of life in many jobs. Later I saw an art exhibit. I have serious issues with anxiety and I read it the same way. Same with mine. Also, sometimes its exhausting to argue with an anxiety sufferer and you end up agreeing to get out of the discussion. And voila- you're on the coast! and a lot to it more than the Strip. Because this thing where he insults the moral character of his beloved wife based on the fact that she needs to travel for work? think twice before sharing personal details, foster a friendly and supportive environment, remove fake accounts, spam and misinformation, delete posts that violate our community guidelines, reviewed by our medical review board and team of experts. One of our Bright Side readers sent us an e-mail pouring her heart out about a tricky situation she's going through. She doesnt like it when I had lied to her but its alright to lie to me and Im not welcome to come along and stay in a another hotel. I wear a light, carry a phone, and stay in my neighborhood where I know whats normal and whats not til the sun goes up. Congratulations, his friends are ALSO sexist and manipulative. Hyperbole and feigned hysteria are not the same thing. My (mentally ill) mom does this thing where if theres something she doesnt want me to do, she makes up stories about how dangerous/stupid/inconsiderate/selfish/wrong of me to do it. Surely you jest! There are plenty of restaurants and even the pickiest co-workers can settle on a dinner location. the religious environments patriarchal enough that it would be an inherent problem would ALSO have a problem with the woman being the one who works. Hes a control freak who will beg, lie and manipulate every situation to get his way. I read it as him being anxious and unreasonable. I think its not up to any of us to determine what OPs husbands major glitch is. Not for me. Yup. Agreed. Your brain chemistry & brain function is literally abnormal, for a start. I hope you can get some work done despite your husbands interference while you are gone. Id go with the anxiety answer first. My husband still asks sometimes if hes allowed to go do things, like go to the pub with his friends without me, and it irks me because even though I know hes joking I dont like that he even pretends that I am a stereotypical ball and chain. Ill let my boss know that Ill need to leave work a bit early those days so I can get the kids from daycare., If it were my wife, my response would be Have fun Watch the lights in the sky to the north at night.,and Dont try to bet on 37 at roulette.. For another, unless the husband is a lot more clever than it seems from the letter and follow ups, a good counselor would be useful to the OP, even if it is abuse. For heavent sake dont say it to him; dont want to give him any ideas. Just my two cents. Theres like 1 hour of down time. Good luck! Havent read the comments to see if this is talked about yet, but I feel like religion has a play here I can see uber conservative religions having more problems with this situation than anything else. The base issues came out to be general worrying about me travelling by myself (tons of catastrophic what if scenarios) and FOMO (shes having such a great time without me). And in small towns all over America people are being shot in churches, schools, shopping malls etc. To me, that means childish. If I genuinely believed he was in danger, this would be insulting beyond words. It is a huge trust issue. He might be in some kind of internet echo chamber, like one of the misogynist subreddits, and all the guys in there told him Shes totes just going there to have sex with random dudes! because thats the way those corners of the internet are. If its phrased as Wife wants to go to Vegas without me for 3 days but go with a bunch of random guys Ive never met before!. Thats fine! Clearly youve been abducted. Its the inappropriate (in typical American business culture) reaction of the husband thats the issue here, not whether its legitimate to try and get out of business trips sometimes. Never! Its just Vegas (and Disney) are more designed to keep you inside their controlled, predictable corporate environment so as to better separate you from your money. I agree that the OP should not even consider not going on the trip. You have three options in how to proceed: (1) You could say no to the trip (a week off can be just impossible to coordinate these days! I never felt less inspired to sin in my life. (A high crime rate gets lots of news coverage, with dramatic photos; a major reduction in the crime rate doesnt, because TV news doesnt want pictures of people walking down the street in safety with friends, doing their shopping, picnicking in the park.). You just have to stop a lot--especially if you EBF. I just caught that you were the main provider in your home. The second I walked in the front door I thought this is exactly the type of place where the murder of the week happens in almost every episode. Roppongi it is! Its bizarre to talk about letting another adult do anythingtalk about patronizing. My husband and I went for our honeymoon, we had so much fun just walking through all of the hotels and people-watching, plus saw some really great shows. Plenty to do in Vegas besides gambling and shows! The Sigma Derby game in the MGM Grand is a lot of fun. Absolutely OP should seek out couples counseling, but if the husbands concerns are a reflection or enhancement of their religion or culture, just be really careful in vetting the counselor/therapist they choose to work with. apply jobappnetwork com elior; farmington, ct homes for sale by owner One ofour Bright Side readers sentus ane-mail pouring her heart out about atricky situation shes going through. He can see how boring Vegas really is. We did it almost two weeks ago and it took about 14 hours, and now we're headed home. The letter writer is inquiring about whether or not she should DTMFA someone who drumroll has clearly already broken up with her. Sure, but then the question would be my boss wants me to go on a business trip but I have a new baby/my spouses parent is seriously ill/my house just flooded and I need to deal with insurance/whatever, how should I ask my boss if I can get out of it. Updated: June 23, 2020. FWIW, my husband went on a business trip to Vegas last year when I was pregnant and feeling like crap. People understand the environment and are very vigilant about what is going on. My husband was very upset. Please be safe, and let us know what happens. I actually took my husband with me once and he went off on his own while I worked all day. DH and I took our little girl on a 14-hour car trip when she was 4 weeks old (she's 10 weeks now). That sounds more like a problem with the type of people your employer has hired, as opposed to being a problem with Vegas. FYI: I mean crazy in a flippant sense not as an insult to any mental health issue. In NYC? who believe the TV/movie depictions of the city and sort of forget that there are people who live there and work there, going about their everyday lives. I dont see it as misogynist. Can you tell mewhat todo?Maya. I did manage to save the relaionship (even though Mothers anxiety never went away; be prepared for that too) I truly hope that you can save your relationship with your spose, OP. In *that* sense, I think there can be a legit question about when you can gracefully bow out of a work trip, and when you have to stick it out and go. Feel free to point out where I did that. OP, I really hesitate to use the word abuse when it comes to anyone elses relationship, but this post is giving me bad flash backs to a boyfriend who did this kind of thing to me all the time and I now know that it was psychological, emotional abuse and manipulation.
What Does 1 Part Toner 2 Parts Developer Mean,
Servicenow Conference 2023,
Articles H